These days, I feel I’m hurtling through space on a comet, bound for some unfathomably beautiful place. The journey is largely defined by peaceful, soundless travel. Occasionally its punctuated by dodging asteroids, harrowing moments of hanging on for fear life while turning loop-de-loos.
I set my course. I pointed my feet. The peace that fills me daily grows stronger, solidifying inside me, as opposed to the gossamer wings I once used to fly just barely above the fires of anxiety, always fueling my progress with external feedback, searching for meaning in the constructs handed to me from everyone I’d ever met, and even more from those I’d never meet. Now with increasing regularity, the inner barometer within my chest lifts me high above level-one thinking and reminds me that wherever I am, that’s where I am, not in any past or future place, despite my ego clawing desperately to put roots in anything but the now.
I am alight with energy. From the Earth. From the vibrant foods I ingest. From the chaos and vibrating murmur of civilization. From all that transpired to provide me with this luck of the draw, this hand of cards. I ooze possibility. I sail on tailwinds toward the horizon, ripe with an endless sunset of pinks, lavenders, and blazing oranges. The sea salt sprays my face, mixing with the salt in my happy tears. I lick my lips and listen.
The bullshit is falling away, the blinders, the chosen sleepwalking. The excuses which padded the bowling lane of my failures before. Now there are no bumpers, there are no lanes, no pins, no balls. I twist and turn effortlessly through the sky, undefined in form, driven by boundless energy and light.
I’m scared of myself. I feel the power welling up to the levees in me. I see it breaching soon, and there will be no stopping it. The previous years’ comfort of refusing to move no longer an option, I fill my lungs with air
I found out I was pregnant the day before the inauguration
And I felt the full weight of my privilege as I jumped down from my station
Relegated, domesticated, afraid of what he’s saying
I’ll watch you grow inside me while I’m learning what we’re playing
See it’s a game, plain and simple, and you’ve got to pay your way
The truth won’t set us free, but it might make us pray
Are we all so different that world war 3 isn’t worth stopping?
Not behind our backs, in front of our faces and we’re shopping
If I could buy you anything, I’d buy you a new world
But I can’t, so I’ll fight, and maybe I’ll be heard
Dedicated to my baby, name TBD, due September 24, 2017
and to my sisters, Sarah and Shai
and to my mother, Tracy June
Thoughts in my head flow like an endless river
Fake battles I create and I just can’t figure
Out how to live from moment to moment
When the whole thing goes on and on
Aches in my belly persist like a drip drop
Leaking from a faucet it just can’t be stopped
Somebody call the plumber, oh wait
That’s my old man